We live in a fallen world, and as imperfect beings, we do offend ourselves at times. Offense is inevitable; we fail to reach others’ expectation, and others fail to reach ours’. All these create hurtful feelings within us. However, hurt or pain of an offense must be resolved. Unresolved hurt has potentially negative consequences.
The first murder recorded in human history emerged out of an unresolved hurt. According to the account in Genesis 4, Cain got offended when God rejected his sacrifice. God condescended and entreated him to do what was right to resolve the hurt within him. Yet, Cain failed to heed God’s advice; he went on and “talked with Abel, his brother” as if nothing had happened, trying to ignore the hurt within him (Genesis 4:3-8). But over a period of time, he eventually killed his brother Abel, owing to that hurt. And from that time, many lives have been lost due to revenge or an action resulting from an unresolved hurt.
Unresolved hurt can linger for years, stay hidden and eventually rear its ugly head like a cobra reading itself for its prey. Once offended, seek to put the matter to rest; never hide it under the carpet and pretend as if nothing had happened. It will eat you up from within and eventually destroy you.
Absalom slew Amnon after two full years for ravishing his sister when David failed to resolve one of the greatest evils that plunged his family. Many things could have accounted for Judas Iscariot’s betrayal; but certainly, an unresolved hurt is one of them. Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus out of hurt. In the days leading to Judas’ betrayal, Jesus failed to grant a wish he requested. Mary, the brother of Lazarus, anointed the feet of Jesus with a very costly ointment of spikenard in John 12.
“Then saith one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, which should betray him, ‘Why was not this ointment sold for three hundred pence, and given to the poor?’ This he said, not that he cared for the poor; but because he was a thief, and had the bag, and bare what was put therein.” (John 12:4-6).
But Jesus refused his bidding. He said:
“Let her alone: against the day of my burying hath she kept this. For the poor always ye have with you; but me ye have not always.” (John 12:7-8).
Judas Iscariot, who was greedy for money, certainly got hurt by Jesus’ decline to his request. This hurt remained and spurred him on to betray Jesus the next few days.
Unresolved hurt destroys important relationships: it could lead to divorce in marriages and break down of families. The productivity of companies or organizations takes a nosedive as offenses pile up among employees. Unsettled hurt, causing bitterness in your heart, will make you lose the presence of God. David acknowledged: “If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.” (Psalm 66:18). The presence of God is all that matters to man and must be sought after diligently; it must not ever be lost.
Unsettled conflicts have done much evil to humanity. An offense is never resolved until confession and true forgiveness is sought. “Let nothing be done through strife” (Philippians 2:3). Get that hurt resolved!
Guidelines for maintaining Good Marital Communication in times of conflict
Offences, misunderstandings and other forms of conflict are bound to occur in marital relationships in the process of time just as it is in all human institutions due to individual differences. However, management of such conflicts is crucial to the longevity and success of a marital union. Continue reading at: https://etmed.wordpress.com/2015/05/20/good-marital-communication/